Almost Wordless Wednesday

My sweet hubby is "dangling" a trip to Hawaii over my head as an incentive to reach my weight loss goal by the end of April. I haven't been working out hard and sweating bullets because - HAWAII?? REALLY?? Let's be serious. Who has the $$ to fly a family of 5 out there! He is trying to get me to shed 40 lbs fast! I saw him looking at our timeshare travel site for resorts yesterday so I think I will start my work outs just in case :) Might be coming to see you my single friend!

Wordless Wednesday

Shopping Cart Etiquette

I went to the grocery store the other day to rent a Redbox movie. While looking for a spot, I watched a grown man (well he was probably early twenties) standing on his cart and actually riding it to his car. I happened to park next to him. He was placing his groceries in the back seat of his old clunker car. I am guessing he was a young bachelor living on his own for the first time and doing his own shopping. I started walking into the store when I saw a woman who had emptied her cart into her car place her cart into a handicap parking space!!! I was really irritated by this! This woman who could walk without a problem was too inconvenienced to walk the cart back to the cart place, so she put it in one of the few handicap spaces ... which would highly inconvenience a handicapped person who might have to get out of the car to move that cart just to park. How selfish of that woman!! I thought that was a bloggable vent, but decided, no, I won't blog about that. Then when I return to my truck - I see a shopping cart pushed right into the drivers door! That guy had just pushed his cart aside into my door! Unbelievable. I almost always put my cart back where it belongs.

Wordless Wednesday

It's a Drink Free Weekend!

I was so happy to be at Celebrate Recovery last night. But the kids had the most fun of all! My Church's youth group had a fun "hang out" night at around the same time as my meeting. So Zach and a friend he brought had a great time playing football. Our new building, the nZone, is a sports complex opened to the public with many indoor playing fields. Brandon and Faith had a great time in the toddler room ,which is where child care is provided for parents attending Celebrate Recovery. (it is the "toddler" room for Church and people who have memberships at the nZone. Just a good room used for child care during CR meetings, even tho they are not "toddlers" any more) I will share a frightening story that happened last night. One of those moments that make me feel like a bad mom with many "what ifs" running thought my mind!
After my meeting, I stayed a while watching the boys play football. When they were finished we were still in the nZone talking and retrieving every one's jackets. Faith and Brandon were with me, spinning in circles and giggling. I spoke with someone for a couple of minutes and when I turned back to the kids - one was missing. It was Brandon. Brandon is notorious for hiding from me in public places. I started to panic and looked everywhere for him. Zach checked the bathrooms and the now dark toddler room. I started walking towards the front doors when I noticed a flash of red outside - it was a woman carrying my crying son. (wearing the red t-shirt pictured above) I ran to the door and he had really been crying! The very nice woman said she found him outside on the sidewalk crying out for his mom. I told her she must think I am a terrible mom! She said no, she remembers when her kids were this age... I hope that is the case. Because how can a mom let her baby out of her sight?? I felt terrible! Brandon was crying saying we left him. I kept thinking he could have been hit by a car in that dark parking lot! He said he stayed on the sidewalk looking for me. I told him I would NEVER leave him and if this should ever happen again (come on Peggy, don't let this happen again) to stay INDOORS and find an adult for help. Sheesh!! How scary. I still don't understand how we separated enough for him to not see any of us and think we left??? The only thing I can think of is that I went back into the toddler room to get Zach's jacket. :( At any rate, I am thankful everyone is ok.

I am happy it's Saturday and I am off for my weekend! Normally, I would be psyched because I would have a weekend of drinking. But I actually feel good and look forward to a drink FREE weekend spent with my family. I am bringing a large group of friends to Church with me tomorrow morning, they want to commit to going every Sunday this year! I hope they like my Church, but if for some reason they do not (not likely), I hope they stick with their commitment and go Church shopping on their own.

Have a blessed weekend!
I Love U Daddy!

It is for freedom of (alcoholism) that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. ~ Galatians 5:1

Thank you for sharing with me Angel.

Oh here we go!!

Today is the first day I am wishing I could have a couple of beers. It hasn't even been a week! Today is day 6. I started wanting a drink when a neighborhood kid irritated me. How sad that I can be irritated by a child. The scoop is, this child stole a little bag of Doritos from us, hid them in her boot by the front door and kept going back to her stash to grab a chip then come back in the family room to eat it. Another kid that was playing over here kept asking what she was eating, where she got it and so on. She threatened to tell on her, so she fessed up to the girl and offered her some chips too. All kids around here know NOT to eat in the family room. But that is not the issue here. I don't like stealing. Since I heard after the fact, I tried to just forget about it. I didn't want to make a big stink about a bag of chips. But today she came to the door asking to play. I said no, not today, but I let my daughter out to play since it was so nice. I found myself irritated thinking about the chips. Then she sent Faith back in to ask for water. I said no because she lives in the culdesac so if she wants a drink she should go in her house and get one. Then her and her sister sent Faith back in to ask if they could go to the bathroom. I yelled out, "I guess but their house is just as close by"! They came in to use the bathroom and I said "wouldn't you feel more comfortable on your own toilet?" The older girl decided to go home and use the bathroom. This may sound all silly.... But the truth is, a lot of kids come here to use the bathroom, have a drink, eat snacks, get a band aid and so on. Their houses are all in the same culdesac!! If someone is IN my house playing, that's a different story. But to play outside and then go to miss Peggy's house when they want a drink or food is ridiculous and must stop.

All stupid stuff I know, but this stupid stuff is what made me think I would really love a couple of beers. For the taste and to just calm me down and make me a little happier. And maybe that's why kids come here for food and drinks and whatever else, because they are used to this friendly giving miss Peggy. I would really love a couple of beers so much. That means it will only get worse before it gets better. I am drinking diet coke in a wine glass. I love this glass, no need to stop using it! I am going to get rid of all the beer glasses and most of the other wine and champagne glasses. Maybe sell the bar in the basement and the "beer" wall hangings.

Luckily, I am leaving in a few minutes to go to my Celebrate Recovery meeting! I am happy to be going, yet feel ashamed because I missed most of the month of December. :( And you can probably guess why.

Lots of love to all!

Fruit Salad, Yummy Yummy

Today we made fruit salad. It was delicious. I played a video game with Brandon and ring around the rosie with Faith. I did a few minutes on the elliptical while watching the Ellen show. It's only 4:00 and I will most likely come close to finishing my book 'Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife', light a fire, have some carbonated water in my favorite wine glass and cook dinner. I kinda want to stay up tonight to watch the new Grey's Anatomy, but I will be stupid tired at work if I do! I know I won't be able to resist it :)

Happy 2012!

Well, here we are. 2012. Happy New Year! This ought to be an interesting year for me. All of December I had all sorts of anxiety knowing that was my last month to drink. It sure did go by fast! A small part of me was excited to get to the new year. Change is good and exciting. This is a new challenge. I have quit drinking AND I need to work hard to lose all of the weight that I gained back after quitting weight watchers. Tsk Tsk. Can't believe I allowed myself to do that.

Any hoo, New Years eve was a good time! I invited some very good friends over to have those last drinks with me:) Sarah and her hubster and daughter came by. Also my newest great friends and neighbors from across the street came over.

Just to show how much taller Zach is than us! My goodness.



Sarah and I

A pic of all the kids hanging out and partying (by eating snacks and drinking coke out of margarita glasses) Brandon fell asleep early. He missed a lot of the fun. I had bought noise makers and confetti poppers and passed those out to the kids - also gave them some pots & pans and spoons to bang on. At midnight I let them all out to the culdesac to get crazy! Other kids in the neighborhood were let out too.

This was my 1st drink of the evening - a frozen lemonade. (with rum I think?)



Then I switched to the premixed apple martini's I had bought. I was alone with these, the other ladies said it tasted like cough syrup. I admit the 1st one was bad, but they got better and better.

Inserts a few beers here.

My last drink of the evening (or morning) was a pomegranate margarita. I was up until 6:30 am. All of the guests left after midnight and my hubby went to bed. I was all alone. I decided to do what I enjoyed so often over the years while drinking - light a fire, a bunch of candles and listen to music. This time I wrote down all of my thoughts so I could see them when I was sober. Here are the thoughts of a drunken Peggy;

Was feeling sorry for myself but now realize this was meant to be... this is my thing.. fire, candles, music, headphones, memories. This is mine and mine alone.

I just hope no one hears me cry!

Why are all these songs drinking songs?

Because I spent all these years drinking to these songs!

My husband will never understand all of this.

I can't taste my very last beer because my nose is so stopped up from crying.

2:32 am: Just put the last log on the fire because WTH do I care about how late I stay up.

Really wishing I had not sent home the rest of that booze.

I still have one beer and one margarita left.

I wish my hubby had one last drink with me! How does he not like this fire?

I'm also thankful that he doesn't drink.

6:23 am - Still awake. Had a long conversation with a friend which helped, but I don't want to start this new chapter of my life.

And that was all I wrote! Not terrible wacky or anything. I can tell you that by 6:30 I was cooking some mac n cheese which I guess I ate for breakfast:) So I guess I was up a bit later than 6:30. I stayed in bed all day long on the 1st. Needless to say, I wasn't feeling well. That was my last hangover ever I hope. I am reading a book now - Diary of an alcoholic Housewife. It's very interesting. It is actually a diary. Well it started as a blog. She was a blogger:) Then someone suggested putting it in a book to maybe help others out there in similar situations. I am enjoying it. It scares me that I have been reading about and hearing about so many others that relapse. Well, I don't want to be one of them. That is why I shared my quitting with everyone I know! I don't want to look like a failure, so I think that helps. In this book - she tried quitting before and told everyone. Then she started again - so this time, she is telling people she is "taking a break" that way she won't feel like a failure later. She is actually planning on drinking again. But I am no where near finished with the book so I don't know where she stands now.

Well I can't start up again, so I hope that is easy to stick to. It's too soon to tell, altho I did have a moment watching tv with Scott yesterday. We were watching season 1 dvds of How I Met Your Mother. The group likes to hang out at a bar. One guy brought his gf a beer saying it was $1 beers so she gets her own. And suddenly I thought of how fun that would be to be at a bar and have $1 beers. And that was on DAY 2 of sobriety! I will continue to blog about my journey. Thanks for your support!

My gift from Zach....

Because he wants me to be able to cook more than one pancake at a time! :) Love you Zach.

Our Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas! We had a wonderful Christmas. Church on Christmas eve. Excited kids waking us up at 7 am Christmas morning :) My brother in law came over around 4:30 for Christmas dinner. Spiral ham and a bunch of yummy sides. Friends over in the evening to exchange some more gifts. It was a great day.

Scott bought me the bracelet I wanted! A pandora style bracelet. I am sure you have seen them, they are every where. You can pick out different beads to match your style and personality. It allows easy ideas for gift ideas in the future! Valentines day, Mother's day and so on. I think he did an AWESOME job at picking out some beads. It is absolutely beautiful!


Faith asked Santa for this unicorn. She named her "Sparkles"

Brandon got his very own scooter. He had been using Zach's, but some how that one was run over.

Faith got a princess scooter!

Brandon asked Santa for a Captain America hat and shield. Very cute! Tho that shield shoots out these THICK foam discs that can catch you off guard!

I had an easel when I was a little girl. The kids loves this!

My father in law bought us all matching personalized hats. I thought it was too cute. I love personalized things!!!

Scott bought me a popcorn makes since I seem to make popcorn a few times a week:) It's a lot of fun! The kids love to watch it pop.

Zach got some clothes, video games and airsoft guns. A lot of kids in the neighborhood have them and altho it wasn't my idea to get any for Zach, (I didn't even know about them) I am glad he has his own with protective eye wear. He is not allowed to keep them in his room and mostly they will be used for shooting targets which also came with it.

We had a lot of love and togetherness. We were filled with the spirit of Christmas!

The kids have lots of toys to play with. We have a lot of family friendly games to play too which is great. Gives me lots to do in the new year to come!

I hope everyone has a blessed new year!