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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Happy 2012!

Well, here we are. 2012. Happy New Year! This ought to be an interesting year for me. All of December I had all sorts of anxiety knowing that was my last month to drink. It sure did go by fast! A small part of me was excited to get to the new year. Change is good and exciting. This is a new challenge. I have quit drinking AND I need to work hard to lose all of the weight that I gained back after quitting weight watchers. Tsk Tsk. Can't believe I allowed myself to do that.

Any hoo, New Years eve was a good time! I invited some very good friends over to have those last drinks with me:) Sarah and her hubster and daughter came by. Also my newest great friends and neighbors from across the street came over.

Just to show how much taller Zach is than us! My goodness.

Sarah and I

A pic of all the kids hanging out and partying (by eating snacks and drinking coke out of margarita glasses) Brandon fell asleep early. He missed a lot of the fun. I had bought noise makers and confetti poppers and passed those out to the kids - also gave them some pots & pans and spoons to bang on. At midnight I let them all out to the culdesac to get crazy! Other kids in the neighborhood were let out too.

This was my 1st drink of the evening - a frozen lemonade. (with rum I think?)

Then I switched to the premixed apple martini's I had bought. I was alone with these, the other ladies said it tasted like cough syrup. I admit the 1st one was bad, but they got better and better.

Inserts a few beers here.

My last drink of the evening (or morning) was a pomegranate margarita. I was up until 6:30 am. All of the guests left after midnight and my hubby went to bed. I was all alone. I decided to do what I enjoyed so often over the years while drinking - light a fire, a bunch of candles and listen to music. This time I wrote down all of my thoughts so I could see them when I was sober. Here are the thoughts of a drunken Peggy;

Was feeling sorry for myself but now realize this was meant to be... this is my thing.. fire, candles, music, headphones, memories. This is mine and mine alone.

I just hope no one hears me cry!

Why are all these songs drinking songs?

Because I spent all these years drinking to these songs!

My husband will never understand all of this.

I can't taste my very last beer because my nose is so stopped up from crying.

2:32 am: Just put the last log on the fire because WTH do I care about how late I stay up.

Really wishing I had not sent home the rest of that booze.

I still have one beer and one margarita left.

I wish my hubby had one last drink with me! How does he not like this fire?

I'm also thankful that he doesn't drink.

6:23 am - Still awake. Had a long conversation with a friend which helped, but I don't want to start this new chapter of my life.

And that was all I wrote! Not terrible wacky or anything. I can tell you that by 6:30 I was cooking some mac n cheese which I guess I ate for breakfast:) So I guess I was up a bit later than 6:30. I stayed in bed all day long on the 1st. Needless to say, I wasn't feeling well. That was my last hangover ever I hope. I am reading a book now - Diary of an alcoholic Housewife. It's very interesting. It is actually a diary. Well it started as a blog. She was a blogger:) Then someone suggested putting it in a book to maybe help others out there in similar situations. I am enjoying it. It scares me that I have been reading about and hearing about so many others that relapse. Well, I don't want to be one of them. That is why I shared my quitting with everyone I know! I don't want to look like a failure, so I think that helps. In this book - she tried quitting before and told everyone. Then she started again - so this time, she is telling people she is "taking a break" that way she won't feel like a failure later. She is actually planning on drinking again. But I am no where near finished with the book so I don't know where she stands now.

Well I can't start up again, so I hope that is easy to stick to. It's too soon to tell, altho I did have a moment watching tv with Scott yesterday. We were watching season 1 dvds of How I Met Your Mother. The group likes to hang out at a bar. One guy brought his gf a beer saying it was $1 beers so she gets her own. And suddenly I thought of how fun that would be to be at a bar and have $1 beers. And that was on DAY 2 of sobriety! I will continue to blog about my journey. Thanks for your support!

1 comment:

Not So Simply Single said...

Babe, I am here for you. If you need help, I will help you. AA is a wonderful program for helping you stay sober. I have been in it for almost 15 years.

January 22, 1997 I stopped drinking and haven't touched it since. Its a miracle!

Good luck sweetheart! It is a one day at a time thing. That makes the road easier, trust me!

2012, rock on!!!!