Saturday, October 22, 2011
Hi. My name is Peggy.....
My church offers Celebrate Recovery ~ a Christ centered recovery program for people with hurts, habits or hang ups. They follow a Christ centered 12 step program. I have recently joined Celebrate Recovery to help myself quit drinking. There. I said it. I am an alcoholic and I don't think I have mentioned that in the 4 yrs I have been blogging. I did not want people to judge me.
I have changed a lot in recent years. (tho the drinking has stayed the same) I have become a more honest "be myself" type of person. It feels good to share and be open. Sharing helps with the recovery process! I have been sharing my decision to quit drinking with everyone. I am thinking that by doing this, I can't possibly go back on my word because I will be a failure to all those people. (really, a failure to myself) While I am being honest, I will tell you, I have not quit drinking yet. The 12 step program starts in January. I am going to say good bye to my beer (my drink of choice) or wine these next couple of months. I feel as though I have been drinking all my life!! And I enjoy it. So, this is how I am going to do it. I have already taken the first steps by walking into the doors of CR and by announcing my quitting. My husband is completely confused by my going to meetings while I am still drinking. But this is the way I want to do it. It's going to be hard. I am making this decision for a few different reasons. The main reason is Zach asked me to because he said he is afraid I will die. There are other reasons too. Alcoholism runs in my family and I want it to stop before it is passed on to my kids. I want to be a good example to my kids. Unfortunately, Zach is old enough to have some bad memories of me when I was drinking. I am hoping I will be a good example to him by QUITTING and also by respecting his feelings to want me to quit. I was reading an article on teen-age drinking and coping with an alcoholic parent and it says that kids with an alcoholic parent are so worried all the time that something bad will happen. I don't want to put that burden on my son. I grew up worried about everything under the sun!! (not your fault, Dad, I was born that way) And I have only gotten worse with age. I can see that Zach worries a lot like me, but its not as bad as it was for me when I was a kid. I would get out of bed just to double check the stove was off for fear of our house burning down. I have never seen Zach do that:) I don't want Zach to worry like I do. It sucks to worry! I want Zach to know that I love him, Brandon and Faith all so very much and I want to be around for a long long time to see them all grow up.
So heads up, I may blog about this journey of mine from time to time.